Bye Bye Beautiful

This is gonna be my last post ...

My parents have raised 6 boys, all who have gotten their Eagle Scout rank and have gone on missions ... I'm the last of not only the boys but the whole family as well. I feel responsible for a lot of family values and expectations that people have for me ... But, surprisingly, I'm not afraid.

Mom says that she's not sad whenever her boys graduate or get married or go on missions and stuff like that, but I'm pretty sure that, deep down, she feels a lot of emotion about this, seeing as how I've been there for her pretty much every night for the last two years, and she has never been completely alone for longer than a day or two ... so I'm sure that by the time I get to Mexico, she will be EXTREMELY happy to welcome Miles back.

Dad hasn't put much input about it, but I know he feels the same way. He has always been there for me, always perfectly willing to do stuff with me and give me blessings and other things. He has never been too hard on me with expectations, I don't think, but I know what he expects, and I have always feared losing his trust. I think the scariest moment in my life was the day I lost my sight, I had no idea what was happening, but it happened all at once while I was trying to copy notes for first grade. Suddenly, everything just started getting blurrier, and I could only see my hands. I thought it was a nightmare, but it was all too real, and I was freaking out ... Thirteen years later, I still remember that day, and I remember how scared I was, and I always think of it as the worst day of my life and the scariest moment ... but I'm pretty sure that that would all change if I were to hear the words, "I'm so disappointed in you ... I thought I could trust you ..." come out of my father's mouth.

My family has always been there for me, even when I was immature and annoying and spoiled, which I would like to apologize for. I have a feeling that at one point, I may have been the least liked member of the family to everyone, because of how I was always yelled at and how my brothers really didn't like talking to me, and I'm sure it was annoying to have my Mom pull them aside and scold them for not "taking care of their little brother," I'm sure I was a nuisance ... I sure hope I've changed, I certainly feel like I have. I know my brothers love me because if I answer the phone they talk to me a while before asking for Mom, and they think of me when an event comes up, like a football game or something like that. I know my sisters love me because they've finally started saying so and treating me like the rest of my brothers ... meaning they abuse me, but still, I feel accepted now, lol.

I've probably been the biggest nuisance to Miles, seeing as I always tried to copy him and do everything he was doing, and wanting everything my way, and doing everything with him, and whining if I didn't get to be with him, but even though we always argued, I always looked up to him. If I copied him, it was because I admired him and wanted to be like him because he was and is so awesome to me. I'm so glad Miles and I have a mutual relationship now, I don't know where I'd be without his influence and example. I love Miles and everything he does, and I can't wait to see him again. I've been told that it's possible I will see him at the airport right before I leave for Mexico, so I've got my hopes up now, even though I know it can't happen *sigh* I'll just have to deal with it and keep writing him until I see him again.

Last but not least, Karalea ... Mom has read all my feelings towards you, but she hasn't lectured me about it or warned me or anything, so I know she feels different about you than she did the other girls. She really wants to get to know you, I promise. You have helped bring me up when I was down for five years, and I thoroughly appreciate that. I love you so much, and I'm so glad we had last night together. Like you, I *almost* keep saying I can't wait to see you after my mission, but I know you will keep your promise, mainly because I didn't make you make it, you did that all on your own, and to see your willingness in doing that ... it brings a tear to my eye each time. I love you, and I promise to keep my promise to you, as I know you will for me. If you ever think of me, I would actually like it if you would check through this blog, and through my mission blog that Mom will keep for me, because everything in them will be in my mind throughout my mission.

I love you, so much.

Bye Bye, Beautiful <3

Don't Wanna Miss a Thing

Tonight was amazing.

Yes I lost my wallet, and I lost fifty bucks from it, but I don't care, you were there to help me not go way off the deep end. You were there for me and you tried to help me calm down. Thank you so much, I don't know what I'd have done without you.

You really brightened my day, you know that?

When you stepped out of your car, I remembered that this was our last date, so I wanted to make the best of it, I wanted to do whatever came up in my head, so I hugged you and held your hand whenever I got the chance. I felt really good by the time we had to go, so I kissed you on the cheek.

... but I didn't expect one back ^.^ even though it was just a small smooch, I felt, gosh, amazing, like my cheek lit on fire. Yeah, I may have gotten a kiss on the cheek before, but I don't remember that feeling coming with it. I almost fell back cuz it was so sudden, but I kept my cool somehow, haha.

The whole time we were there was so Sweet and full of Emotion. I love you so much, and I always will. Thank you for one of the best nights of my life.

Remember me saying how amazing the Weird Al concert was? This beat it out a million times over, you are so amazing and beautiful <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3